Not dead. Also new want!

Are these not the most amazing thing! I need these n my body.

WISH LIST (always on update)

Things I REALLY want!

Batman Black Lace-up bikini (it glows in the dark!)

http://www.torrid.com/torrid/Intimates/Panties//Batman+Black+Lace-Up+Bikini-533580.jsp

Ruffle Garter Belt with Ribbon 

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-13357-plus-size-ruffle-garter-belt-with-ribbon-garter-belts.aspx -OWN IT!~ 12/01/12

Nude And Black Lace And Piping Shaping Slip

http://www.torrid.com/torrid/Intimates/Shapewear//Nude+And+Black+Lace+And+Piping+Shaping+Slip-594565.jsp ON ORDER!!! (06/23/12) Bought! Pictures to follow 

Lace Pumps

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/Plus-Size-Lingerie/p-373-plus-size-satin-lace-pumps-shoes.aspx

Savoir Faire Stretch Lace Garter Belt

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-14516-plus-size-savoir-faire-stretch-lace-garter-belt-garter-belts.aspx

This one next.--->Short Cinderella Petticoat

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-14820-plus-size-short-cinderella-petticoat-petticoats-knickers.aspx

Lust Lace Garter Tank with Ribbon

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-13344-plus-size-love-lust-lace-garter-tank-with-ribbon-lingerie.aspx Own it! 01/23/13 Metronerd bought it for me for my Birthday. 

                                                             
Garter Belt with Lace Heart

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-13388-plus-size-garter-belt-with-lace-heart-garter-belts.aspx

Things I would like.

Parisian Style Floor Length Skirt

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/Plus-Size-Lingerie/p-255-plus-size-parisian-style-floor-length-skirt-default.aspx

Victorian Bustle Skirt

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/Plus-Size-Lingerie/p-12076-plus-size-victorian-bustle-skirt-apparel.aspx

Caged Back Plus Size Panty

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-12030-plus-size-caged-back-panty-panties.aspx

Halter Chemise 3 Piece Set

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-13816-plus-size-3-piece-halter-chemise-with-stretch-lace-cups-and-side-panels-lingerie.aspx

Short All Over Stretch Lace Robe

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-13614-plus-size-short-all-over-stretch-lace-robe-robes.aspx

Trumpet Tulle Skirt

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-11239-plus-size-trumpet-tulle-skirt-apparel.aspx

Cuban Heel Sheer Lycra Thigh Highs

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-272-plus-size-cuban-heel-sheer-lycra-thigh-highs-hosiery.aspx

Things that I want but are too expensive.

Vivienne Steel Boned Underbust Corset

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-13038-plus-size-vivienne-steel-boned-underbust-corset-leather-patent.aspx

Scarlett Steel Boned Corset

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-13421-plus-size-scarlett-steel-boned-corset-corsets-bustiers.aspx

Bellatrix Steel Boned Leather Corset

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/Plus-Size-Lingerie/p-11366-plus-size-bellatrix-steel-boned-leather-corset-leather-patent.aspx

Little things.

Sometimes its the little things that really boost myself esteem. Make me feel sexy, desired and loved.

"mmm you smell good, mumble.. I like the smell of your sweat." When my daddydom woke up next to me. He was very tired and sleepy. I was very awake, and had been for a while. I was just enjoying being next to him. Feeling him close, smelling him and feeling held close.

I have always been insecure about my smell. Its the little things that me me shocked at how loved I am.

Baths.

Baths are so very awesome. I am sitting in my apartment with my big purple robe on relaxing. I had all these ideas in the bath and now I am too lazy to.

Me.

“Smart girls are the over thinkers, the insecure ones, the different ones. They know what the real world is like. They analyze every little thing in life. Why? To avoid getting hurt. To find happiness. They stay up at night trying to think about every possible situation to get through all the problems. They think too much. They trust fewer people. Their insecurity proves their respect toward themselves. Of course they try to live away from a drama-filled life. Smart girls know their worth. Now those are the ones worth keeping by your side.”
— Unknown

To be desired.

I was making out with my Daddydom and I shuddered. Not in that "oh no"  way. But in that way that my body does sometimes when I am so turned on I don't know what to do. When I am about to orgasm. When I am wet and wanting and begging for more. When its like I am so aroused my body does not how to react. Its not something I can control. It just happens. He looked at me with this fire of want in his eyes. I know that seems silly but really he has this intense look sometimes, especially when he hurts me. He told me that he loves it when I shudder. But it was the way he said it. Like it aroused him so much. I loved it. I made me both blush and drip.

Compliment.

I was once given an awesome compliment from Phonesexman. He said I was a sweater girl. I was very confused by that. When I asked for him to explain he told me that I am that type of girl that everyone looks past, that I don't pop out. But if someone takes a moment to know me they find that I am amazing. That I am a sex goddess, funny, smart and sweet. It was so touching.

I am have been feeling lately like my two world are colliding. My kinky world and my vanilla world. Its like one group is so understanding of difference and one is not. grr...

Orgy!

So I love orgies. More on this to come.

Not big enough.

This is one picture in a series that I really like. Sadly this is a TINY picture. Which really makes me sad. I am going to look out for a better picture. I like the helplessness of this picture. The rope tie is both pretty and functional. I like that she is both dressed and so exposed in the now very open kimono. Her head tilted to the side in that begging way, wanting it so much and yet not. I love how she is so open to his hands. How he is just reaching out and taking what he wants. In short I want this picture to happen to me. 

The trip to the family starts soon.

Will I be able to keep my mouth shut about my kink. Its something that is so me now and makes me so very happy. But I have so much worry attached to it.

Hot.

the whole point of being in charge

is not making her feel like a slut

it’s not about you fucking her dirty

beyond words

and all she gets to look back at

is a black soul

it’s about fucking her dirty

making her feel like a slut

and making her love

every single dirty

moment of it

because in your hands

she’s never felt

as beautiful

or as wanted.

Where is this from!

"If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are. Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

Because this is me. I want more good men to know this. But I also think the reverse is true. If more women would only fuck men who own books and read. The world would be smarter. (just playing...kinda) But really I tend to like nerdy boys anyway, I love men who read.

Worth it?

So a couple weeks ago I was doing a particularly intense scene/sex with my Daddydom. I was tied up, gagged, hit, caressed, fucked and kissed silly. It was wonderful and over the top awesome. At one point though he was talking dirty to me. Which I may say he does so well. But in the middle he threw me off. He told me that he had to this stuff, that he wanted to do this to me because he was competing for me. I was thrown and wanted to assure him that I was his, that he did not need too. That I would come back to him. My eyes must of gone wide as I took myself out of the scene to tell him this, while ball gagged. He then went on that I needed to realize that I deserve to be competed for. That I should know that I am worth it. That I am special and that he loves me. It made me want to cry. (Which I tend to do sometimes)

He then went on to do more dirty evil things to me. That I loved and came from.

Weeks later though I am still thinking on this. Part of me knows that yes I am awesome. I am a Win for someone out there. But there is still a very large part of me that is built on years of self esteem issues. That part tells me that I am hyping myself up. That I am not worth that.

I keep trying to kick that part of my mind in the face, we will see how that goes. Right now I feel wonderful, sexy, wanted and loved. Kiss for my Daddydom.

I am not dead

Only poor and stressed and having really good sex.

More on that later.

Online dating!

So I am currently using two online dating sites. OkCupid and Collarme. I have had mild success with both. I met Daddydom on Collarme. I met Corvallis on Okcupid. I have been happy with it but I always feel like I am not showing the whole me. On Collarme I am out and proud of who I am sexually but it does not show my innocent, geeky, vanilla side. The switch for OkCupid, they don't know that I am a kinky slut till later.  Sigh I will keep having to try.

Also! http://superharmony.com/

This is great funny site about online dating for super heroes! I love the line "She wears this to bed!"

Post of Kink 7

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Currently my favorite toy was a gift from Phonesexman. Its a purple g-spot toy and it very fun and vibrates. It hits my spot just right and I love it. Its a long handle with a egg on the end.

That my favorite right now. 

its so hot

My hair.

So I have been debating for some time if I should cut my hair again for locks for love. On one side I love it. Its pretty. People like it on me. Its soft. Its makes a nice handle/leash. But on the other side its hot right now. And heavy. Yes hair can be heavy. And then it get everywhere. And honestly I am fucking tired of my roommate bitching about it. I shed. Like all girls. and sometimes leave a hair or three in shower. I honestly don't look down all that often. I don't know what is was today but I had a shit day and he set me off. Just a little complaint and... BAM nope. Not going to play that game today. I bitched right back. Now that is just not like me so he did what we always both do when we fight. He hid, and then he left. No words nothing. Cold. I am so fucking angry right now. And I have no reason to be. I asked Photo over to kiss and spank me. Put me to bed. I hope it makes me less grumpy. m

A little story for a friend.

So lets see. I got off the computer with you and stripped down and went to bed. Laying in bed naked, I started to think about what I could masturbate too. You gave me so much range to work with. So I started off with what I have used in the past. What aroused me when I was actually with you. The idea of your hand in my hair pulling me back. Then you touching and playing with my nipples. Twisting and pinching a little. This got me wet. When I was in the car with you what made me gasp most of all. And this shocked me was the calm thumb just covering my lips. Even now when I write this my pussy clenches in response. Its odd to me because this little act is so non-sexual. But it had my heart pounding and my breath caught in my throat. When I was home, in my bed. I touched my lips and it made me shiver. I slide my hands down my body and started to play with my clit. I was shocked at how wet I was. I brought my fingers up to look at how wet and sticky I was. Not quite dripping but close. I ground against my hand and then moved back and forth on my clit at I thought about me and you sitting in the car. You moving and touching my pussy. Playing with me. Teasing me and moving me to moan and whimper. You moving to play with my breasts, exposing me. Making me blush. Then you gave me that toy (butterfly) we had spoke up. You told me I had to put it on. I struggled with the idea, but wanting to please and aroused at the idea of it. I slide it on. And just as I do. We pull up to the restaurant. I am careful and lady as I get out of the car but my mind is on my cunt. All I can think about is that exposing toy as I sit carefully. I worry as I walk that I will expose myself dripping down my leg. That I must be good. I smile and chat at dinner, always distracted but that throbbing need in my pussy. While chatting up the waitress you turn it on and I panic. Trying to fight off movement, while turned on by the act. I fall silent and look and you are just smiling. You move the toy on and off all through dinner. Till at one moment I lose composure for a mere moment and whimper. And to me it sounds like a yell. I am sure that everyone heard and knows. Knows what a dirty little slut I am. I blush and you just smile. Outside later you make me take off the toy and underwear showing you how wet I am. I am shocked and worried I left a puddle behind at my seat. You tell me calmly that I need to be spanked for exposing my self like I did. We pull over and you push be over the edge of the car. You start spanking me. Nothing hard at first. Just you enjoying my ass, my body exposed for you. You are telling me naughty things that I am. Then you probe at my pussy. And one hand in my hair holding me down to the car you finger fuck me. I orgasm, there at your hand. Begging.

Why I love quickies

I got the day off for sort of for a sad reason. One my co-workers had a death and the family so I am covering her shift on Saturday and thus unexpectedly got the day off. Which meant I slept in and did little to further my life goals. I DID though start reading Carrie's Story.

Which is both at that level of extreme Bdsm that I get all hot and heavy but also throws me off a little. Making me question my wants in life. Would I want to be a slave for someone? I don't know. I am pretty sure No. And its only when I read erotica like this that I think it may be awesome to give in to that a bit. Anyway that is not what this post is about.

It is about why hot rushed quickies are so made of awesome. So I was reading as I said, therefore I was very horny. Now it is of some note to say that I have masturbated like crazy lately. In the last three days like 8 times. But that aside I wanted to be touched. So... I texted my friend. I was very embarrassed about this its not often that I actually just do a booty call. I told him that I want a quickie. He, the amazing guy that he is, said yes! I backtracked trying to explain that I don't want him to think I am just using him for sex and he said something along the lines thats its ok to be used for sex sometimes. Something I whole heartedly agree with.

Post of Kink 6

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

This is silly. I don't think I have the most weird or most interesting. I have so many and I think its all in perspective. They are not all that weird to me any more. I feel like the ones I am most uncomfortable with are the dark ones. So here are a couple for fun.
*Being tied up like a dog and treated like one. Dog bowl, tied up outside, spanked with a leash.
*Being held down and fucked in the ass. ( a varsity sport I have not quite mastered yet)
* I want to use a fucking machine and give a blow job at the same time.
* I want to have a 4 some with 3 other men.
* Gangbang
* To do fireplay
* To be paid for sex, or sex things.
And that's enough for now.

working out

Adventures in Not so..accidental arousal?

So running on the theme that my house mate arouses me by accident. Yesterday we were walking to a bar to meet some friends. We were walking with his girl-thing. ( I am not sure we can call it girlfriend yet, but close) And to get my attention he grabbed my pony tail and gave it a tug. Not a mean yank, but a hardy grip tug. I must of made some sort of happy noise. Because he gave me that look. That look that says.... Why Abby I now have something to tease you about. (enter evil smile here). And because I was thinking about it, how I like to have my hair pulled, I was surprised by something (see below) and again made that sort of intake of breath with noise. Sort of like that noise when I am spanked sometimes. Again I got the look. So he continued to tug on my pony tail at one point I am sure I made a very pleased sort of sleepy happy face. I am sure he was doing this on purpose. Shame on him.

See I was thinking about this one time with me and Salem. We were sitting on his couch down stair watching something. Sort of cuddling, and more enjoying the company of another than watching anything. When suddenly he just looked at me, smiled and stood up. I reached and grabbed m pony tail and used it like a leash to pull me up the stairs. I was dripping by the time we got up the stairs. Part of what made it special to me though was the happiness in face. Getting him to smile with real happiness was something truly amazing.

Things that stick with me.

Sometimes its the little things that stick in the back of your mind. That make you smile at odd moments. I was once told that I was a "Cute sweater girl." I sort of went... what? And his response was that I am the kind of girl that looks good in a sweater, goes unnoticed but is a really naughty girl when you get me naked.

I find this to be a compliment.

Post of Kink 5

Post of Kink 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience?

Well I think this one is hard for me. It kind of depend on how you define kink. Personally its all depends on my thoughts that day. Sometimes I think it was that first time I did anything sexual. My first full naked experience was a three-some. My first hand-job was to a gay man that I kind of topped. Was it the first time I was flogged? Spanked? The first time I had sex in front of a crowd? Or maybe it was before I had sex with others? I mean my mental landscape for masturbation has always been rather kinky. I think I have always been kinky, my sexual mind and body is twisted in that way.  

That one time I slept with a jerk.

This is a quick one. Because is was a mistake.

So this one time I was horny. Surprise!
 I chatted with a guy from Collarme, we talked on the phone.
He seemed nice.
He seemed cute!
His name was Jae.
I went on a date with Jae, just walking.
Then I got bold.
Too bold.
I fucked him, he thought he was a dom.
He was not.
I topped the shit out of him. Made him beg, made him cum, made him cry out.
It was fun.
He loved it.
Then I told him he had to take me out for ice-cream. Between ice-cream and relaxing the conversation takes a left turn. He tells me that he thinks gay and lesbians should not be allowed to adopt and that planned parenthood was created to keep minorities from reproducing and that now is still evil.
I blew up.
I screamed, I shook with anger at myself.
I was a slut, in a bad way. An idiot.
I let my spirit touch his! Like mix with me.
I kicked him out of my house.
My roommate was worried about me, but did not handle it in a sex positive way.
Jae latter contacted me and asked for a second chance. I told him that I would be fucking him just as good as I did, anytime he wanted. If he was not such ass. That most happy sluts like me are pro-gay rights and pro-planned parenthood.
So. The end.

List of Characters in my Life. (ALWAYS ON EDIT. )

Corvallis-From Corvallis Oregon I met him from Okcupid sometime in mid 2010. He is nerdy, sweet, a year older than me and lived an hour a way. I adored him and may of fell in love with him. Sadly a long distance thing could not work out between us and I moved to Boston. I try not to dwell on how much I really liked him.
Daddydom-From the Boston area I met him through Collarme in May of 2011.As of January 2013 we have  broken up. He is a computer programmer 20 years my senior. We originally met to maybe do some nude photography. He is in an open relationship with his wife. I have met her and she is very awesome. I felt something with him early on and went with it. We are currently still dating. He is now my Daddy. In a Daddy/ lil girl thing, not so much a "little" sort of situation. More like I get to act like a child sometimes, a brat. (I love him and he loves me, this is very new to me. He makes me so happy.) ( I did not want to take the italic part out after we broke up. I am very hurt but I am hoping someday I will feel good about it.)
Dante-From Salem Oregon I met him on Fetlife sometime early 2010. He is an veteran about my age and honestly was coming off a bad break up. I was more than willing to be a rebound. He was the first real life Dom I met. He was perfect for that. I still adore him. He recently got engaged and is getting married soon! I am absolutely ecstatic for him. As of Feb 2013 he is married with a baby on the way.
Dom-From California I met him on Babblesex early 2009. He is in his mid-40's, divorced and an amazing father and baker. We first started with a textual relationship, cybering and talking. Later we moved the phone, we did a Dom/sub thing for a  while. Playing while never meeting. We became close friends and he became one of my closest confidants. He still his. As we continue talking we became less sexual and more friends. We met once in 2011 in New York. We still talk often on the phone about our lives. I trust him and love him in a non-romantic way.
Evil Twin-From the Boston area I met her on Felife through my book club in very early 2011. She is my Evil Twin because she shares my name and look strikingly like me in hair and color. We liked to play that up in a teasing way. We became good friends and I feel close to her. She is married in a monogamish/ openish relationship. I played with him and her husband, her alone and she loaned her husband to me more than one. They recently moved to Chicago and I miss her greatly.
Jae- Went on one date in April 2011. I slept with him on the first date and greatly regretted it. Lesson learned.
Lavalier- From Boston I met him on CollarMe in 2011. He was in his 50's and we did not work out. I am shamed to say I think I was tempted by his money I think. It turns out he was a little on the rapey side. We only did two dates, no sex or play.
Giles- From Boston I met him on Fetlife through my book club in early 2011 . He is my age and is a librarian.  He recently adopted an adorable baby. He is a transgender FTM gay man, that I somehow amazingly magically get to have as a lover despite my female bits. He taught me a lot about myself and gender as a whole. I am blessed to have him as a friend and lover.
Metronerd-From Boston area I met him on Okcupid in mid 2011. He is nerdy, slightly insecure at times and 3 years older than me. We dated for a very short time then were fuck buddies for a while, that ended. Now we are friends that hang out and sometimes we do kinky play with no sex. Mostly he is my good friend.
Murphy- From Boston area met him early 2012. We went on a couple dates and played once. He never called me back. Sort of an asshole. As of Feb 2013 he has contacted me and wants to set up a play date. I am unsure.
Phonesexman- From somewhere in Main started talking to him late 2009. He is my superhero of a phone sex man. He loves to make me cum. We have also become friends over the year talking about life. I have never met him but would love to.
The Salesman-From outside Boston we met in 2011. We dated for a while and then things did not work out so I had to break up him.  As of Feb 2013 it seems that he is happily married now with a baby on the way.
Sir-From Boston I met in him early 2011. He is in his 40's and can be inventively sadistic. We fucked up for a while and did not figure out how to have a thing between us. We are good now but he is in and out of the state so I don't see him often.
Teacher- Met him on Babblesex sometimes early in 2008. We have never met in person and have almost a purely textual relationship. We have done a couple cam/mic stuff but we are still friends that cyber.

Why I love tea.

I have more than once joked that the first step to getting into my pants is a cup of tea.

In a lot of cases it is. Though dinner won't hurt you either.

Beside that there is something amazing in a cup of tea.

With sugar

or Cream

Sometimes I fear I am a little addicted. To make up for this I always reuse teabags. I realize that at some point I am just drinking hot water with a tea bag in it.

I wish I drank more expensive tea since its one of my few treats. But I can't bring myself to spend too much money on something so small and unourishing.

I love curling up with a warm cup, with a good book.

Maybe tea is not all the sexy to me, but its still one of the first steps into my pants. So maybe that makes it sexy.

Sir.

All it takes is a little memory and I am soaking wet.  

Do you remember that one time you cam over.

You had me naked in my kitchen

You did my inspection

You told me you could see a bead of pussy juice from the light of my room

Dripping down betraying how much I wanted you

You made me unzip your jean

Sitting Indian style on the floor

using only my mouth, it was so hard

 I remember this so clearly. 

You made sure your pussy toched the floor and I dripped for you, it was very pretty sight

Post of Kink 4

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks. 


I feel like honestly this could be my whole childhood. Because after all almost anything can be twisted. Being tied up by the neighbor just so he could rescue me later. My sister and I taking turns tying each other up. Playing as a pet. All pretend can be bdsm. Bdsm is playing cops and robbers with your pants. off. 

Post of kink 3

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

        I think this is a deeply personal question. Delves into the idea of self. It's a bit loaded. I think I may have always been kinky but I am not sure if that is my self shaping my past memory. Or if my early life shaped my ideas on sex. 

        I think part of what shaped this idea was what I read. I thoroughly believe that nerd/geeks are attracted to different lifestyles and sexual set ups because of books and comics. They opened my eyes to all the different ways a relationships can be formed, and though I stills saw them as fantasy a little bit of hope was born. 

        I used to play pretend with things that border on the kink. Being a pet was something I constantly played with in my head. It was almost always forced too. Trapped or experimented on. I liked to tie people up or be tied up. But I think those games are rather normal really. What child never tied up their sibling? Then as I began to masturbate my fantasies were never boy and girl sneak off and make out adorably. They were darker. Fucking roughly over a car in an alley. Face fucking till he cums and I swallow. Tied up and fucked by cold machines. Unfeeling and using me. That last one was a favorite. It has oh so many variants. I am pretty sure for years that these were not the normal sexual masturbation fantasies. I new at a certain point that they were not Crazy with a capital C.

.But I also knew I was not on the same level as my friends. I did not think about sex the same. I felt different. And that kept me a virgin for a long time. I was an excellent cock blocker to myself. I would think about it too much and then leave/run away. 
        
      Is was not until I was out of school that I started to let myself think I could actually have those things I always wanted. That I was adult enough, brave enough and smart enough to do it right. I listened to Dan Savage and he told me about fetlife. Thank you Dan Savage from there I took the baby steps to where I am now. 

Sexy work time!

phone sex with sir

So I was laying in bed on my day off. As I often do, like right now. I was horny. I am often horny so no big surprise there. But I started texting Sir. Telling him how hot I was. How much I wanted him, that I wanted to be fucked, hurt, made to cry out in pain and pleasure. I wanted something to get me off. I was teasing I was wanting, but I did not know what I wanted. I pushed him until he ordered me to be naked in my room and with the phone. He was going to call me!

I was so excited! I was dripping wet. My heart was pounding, whole body thrumming. When he called. I tried to sound calm, in control and awesome. I failed. It helped that he ordered me to shut up. To just listen. To do exactly what he said. He made me spank my cunt till I cried out. I had to do it in time to what he told me. Over and over. I was dripping and wiggling wanting to cum so badly. He had me repeat dirty things to him. That I was his cunt. That I need this, I wanted it.

Then came the big thing that just made me moan. He stopped what he was doing and spoke to someone! SOMEONE AT WORK. I thought maybe he went outside or maybe a broom closet. No he just stepped into the hallway. That someone could of came on him at any moment, they could of heard the dirty things he was saying to me. Or maybe hear the things I was saying or doing. I was floored.

He then told me that I was to cum. He was going to go back to work. I masturbated and I came hard. Moaning and screaming, and he kept his phone on the whole time. He heard every little moan, every little thing. When I was done and panting he told me how dirty I was that he heard everything. That he was happy, I was a good girl and that he was not going back to work with a hard on.

So hot I loved it.

How to get me wet at work!

Was going through some of my old emails and came across this. Yum.

Something to think about in your idle moments at the computer: where in your workplace would be the most enticing place for me to fuck you? Any particular spot where your ninja skills would allow us to remain hidden while you knelt to swallow my cum? Any open public place we could sneak into after hours where I could slam the full length of my cock in and out of your tight slippery pussy while you squealed in ecstasy? Or perhaps a place where I would pull your panties down in full view of everyone and spank you as punishment for some transgression? Inquiring minds want to know...

Every once and a while I think about these things in public. How fun is that.

Post of kink 2

Day 2: List your kinks.

Really... I mean this would be something that I feel I would add to all the time. I will just copy and past my current list on fetlife.

Into: dan savage (everything to do with it), "being petted till I fall asleep" (receiving), aftercare (everything to do with it), bare bottom belt spanking (receiving), bare handed spanking (receiving), being bathed and having my hair washed (receiving), being caned (receiving), being told i'm a good girl (receiving), being treated like a beautiful princess but fucked like a dirty little whore (receiving), biting (everything to do with it), candle wax (receiving), cuddling (everything to do with it), cuddling naked (everything to do with it), eddie izzard (watching), face fucking (receiving), feeling wanted and appreciated (receiving), flogging (receiving), hair pulling (receiving), intelligence (everything to do with it), masturbation (everything to do with it), mutual masturbation (everything to do with it), oral sex (everything to do with it), showering together (everything to do with it), sleeping naked (everything to do with it), spanking (receiving), talking dirty (everything to do with it), xkcd (watching).

Curious about: forced masturbation (receiving), "the look" that tells you in no uncertain terms that you have crossed the line and earned a spanking (receiving), anal sex (receiving), ass play, belt spanking (receiving), bondage, cmnf, collar and lead/leash (wearing), dildos, discipline (receiving), impact play (receiving), lingerie, nyotaimori (wearing), pantyhose/stockings, power exchange, remote-control devices (receiving), sensory deprivation (receiving), whips.

Take 2~

~In movie voice over tone~ In the Adventures of Abby and Accidental Arousal!~

Wow first off how awesome is that. So many A's! My name rocks. I could do this all day. Amazing Abby and her Ability to Appear normal in moments of Arousal. Giggle.

So this one time last year I was sitting on my roommates bed while he puts his laundry away. I of course have already done mine and like a puppy left alone have moved into his room to just be near someone. I can be like that I don't like to alone all that often. So he is putting away his clothes when to accent something that he is doing he snaps his belt. It made that nice leather on leather sound. I started but really my whole body reacted. My face must of done some sort of glaze over because when I looked at him again he had a very odd look on his face. There was a much too long pause and then he went back to folding. Now two things to note on this. One this is again much before he knew I was kinky and two this is almost a year before I was spanked with a belt for sex. Odd... Yeah adventure time.

So I love oral.

My roommate just told me that he was having a conversation with two of our male mutual friends. One of witch said that he refuses to go down on a girl. We both had the same reaction of what the fuck! I mean really oral should come standard with any model. And I in particular love to give oral more than most sexual acts. I am a strong believer in that fact that oral sex should come standard in every model of lover. As we talked about it more though I think its just because this guy is mostly a virgin. I think that with a good lover he would go down, its hard to not want to please someone.

The other thing I learned is that one of the two guys might be pretty much a virgin. Now see I am attracted to this guy. And really the idea of of giving him a great blow job makes me very happy. I really really want to do it. I have wanted to do it for a while. See blog I pretty sure I am great at blow jobs. I want to say more but since all the feedback I have gotten is from people I have blown I may not be as wonderful as they say.

Sigh.. So I have been horny all day.

Post of kink 1

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I define my self as a switch. I generally like to bottom more but I do have moments when I want top. (and I do.) I swing between being a bratty bottom to a slightly sadistic top. I do think that those three categories sort of limit a person. But I have already had my post on labels. So enough of that.

All parts of Bdsm interest me. Its the adventure. The thrill. The controlled fear. The differences, how its out of the ordinary. I like surprise. I like being pushed mentally and physically. I like being able to let go of all the thoughts in my head. To just BE. I can never do that normally. I am too Adhd to worried about things. I need that power play push to push me into just being in my body. I like how there is so many different things that turn people on. I don't always find them hot myself but I love to see people happy in what they like. I feel like this whole blog is about what interests me. This whole blog is a way of looking at myself and finding what this means to me.

Anita Blake

So I have a guilty love. I love to read some ridiculous books. The Anita Blake: Vampire hunter series is definitely one of them. I have read all 20 books, some multiple times. I even read Micah which I am pretty sure had no real plot. Despite what wiki may say. It was JUST sex. I kept waiting for a plot, but no, just sex. I mean I still read it and enjoyed it. It was fun sex. The basic story line started out well. Set in a world were most myths are true. There are vampires who know have the right to vote. There are were-animals who the world discriminant against much like early aids. Like its a decease you can catch at touch. Which you can not. There is a smattering of other fey and magical beast that appear in the series. The main character is Anita Blake she is a necromancer who is a vampire hunter and works with the cops to solve unusual crimes. OK even writing that was ridiculous. She falls in love with a vampire and a werewolf and later...well kinda lots of people. Its partially like a nice idea of poly love. LOTS of sex though. Lots of happy love and happy sex. But also killing, murder, and mystery. So I love them. I will continue to read them.

30 posts of Kink!

I was tumbling around tumbler and found this fun little writing exercise. Here is her blog http://fuckmepretty.tumblr.com. The rest of her blog does not seem to really do it for me. Though I do like photos of cute punk girls. Also knowing me this will not be done in 30 days. So we will call this 30 posts of kink.

30 Days of Kink ;)

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

Day 2: List your kinks.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks?

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

How is that I have just recently found Go Ask Alice?

So I spent several hours today reading Go Ask Alice.

Some of the questions I read I actually already knew the answer to.

Like...Can I drink pee? Is it safe? - Well that depends on whose pee your drinking and their sexual and biological health. You can pass infection on through pee like other bodily secretions. Bottom line is yes you can if your partner is clean and healthy. Where did I learn this... Well years ago I read a dirty story that had medical links at the end. yeah for educated smut.

Speaking of ... here is some good information on fantasies.

Fantasies serve a variety of purposes. They allow people to explore elements of their sexuality that they may not be comfortable with or want to act out in their lives. Fantasies can also provide an exciting escape into something new, something taboo perhaps, or unacceptable to the fantasizer in their waking life. Some sex researchers assert that the brain is the central organ of sexual pleasure — a number of women report that they have orgasms from fantasy alone. (oh really!) When fantasizing, a person engages this powerful instrument of arousal to produce whatever experiences s/he wants to imagine — without the consequences of enacting them in real life.

There are many factors that people consider when defining their sexual identities. These include physical, emotional, and erotic attraction towards others, dreams, fantasies, social networks, relationships, and ideal sexual orientation, among others. Fantasies can be one aspect of sexual orientation or identity, but certainly not the only or defining one. That is, having same-sex or opposite-sex fantasies doesn't necessarily mean a person is gay or straight, there is a lot more to sexual orientation. Researchers now view sexuality as a spectrum, with homosexuality on one end and heterosexuality on the other. Many people fall in the middle of this spectrum; exactly where a person falls may shift throughout their life. Some argue that there are as many sexual orientations as there are people, everyone defining for themselves their own rules of attraction, fantasy, and relationships. As long as you feel comfortable with your sexuality, there is no need to define or compare yourself to a norm.

In fact, "normal" might not exist. Many sexual activities, including some we accept as normal and healthy today (masturbation to name one), have been at some time considered deviant, and in other circles accepted as completely ordinary. "Sexually normal" is a subjective term, and defined by a certain culture at a certain time. To answer your question more directly: Yes! It is normal to have fantasies about women, even though you are happily involved with a man. Other "normal" fantasies may include (but are not limited to) your partner having same-sex or opposite-sex fantasies, one or both of you fantasizing about having a threesome or group sex, fantasizing about watching your partner have sex with someone else, or switching partners with another couple — the list goes on and on!

If you have more questions about your sexuality, there are many resources available to you. At Columbia, you can check out the Columbia Queer Alliance website, which offers information, links, and contact information for GLBTQ resources at Columbia. Off-campus, Identity House provides private counseling and support regarding issues of sexual orientation. Also, try the Gay and Lesbian National Hotline to discuss any questions you may have.

You mentioned that you're happily engaged. First off, congratulations! Secondly, have you shared your same-sex fantasies with your partner? Perhaps incorporating some of those stories or fantasies into your relationship and sex life would be as exciting for him as it is for you. Your fiancé may have a secret fantasy about being with a woman who fantasizes about women — you never know!

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/5919.html

Tabasco Sauce, not the best of lubes.

So my Sir was/is a bit of a sadist. Not as much as My Daddy but still likes to hurt me. Or rather I think he more got off on the humiliation of hurting me. Which is still hot. Once on coming over her had me lay, as he did. My ass in the air looking away from him on the bed. He started rubbing my ass. Making me moan and almost beg for it. I have wanted more anal from him, but he was waiting. My Sir was a bad Dom in that we did not communicate right, we had different needs emotionally and he was emotionally manipulative in a bad way. BUT he was good at fucking me. He pushed me just right. Made me squirm, cry, beg and drip. This time though he was fingering my ass and it started to burn. Started be really uncomfortable but not painful. Then he had me spend a good amount of time blowing him while he fingered my pussy. (not with Tabasco) Now know that I did not know what he put on me till after he came in my mouth. We were laying while he panted and and I asked to shower. It was only then that I found out.

So although this may sound odd, It was super hot. The not knowing was hot. The surprise, the controlled fear. I love it.

Pixelated cock, Also if I had purple hair that could be me... Kinda.

First off love this picture. Always have. I think it may be because I identify so much with her. I mean this is practically my style of topping in a picture. Its that he is in full want, begging and dripping. All the while she holding him down from moving, playing with his cock. This just looks like something I would do or have done. I also love how they are still mostly dressed. It makes me think that this was a spur of the moment deal. I like the pony tail and the way she is looking at his cock with such a happy hungry look. Like she just wants to lick and suck and play. Its so very me. This picture makes me want to play with a subby boy.

Pretty pony.

Pony girls. So I have been excited about the idea of pony girls for a very long time. I am not sure when it started. The idea of being treated like an animal is something that goes way back, to childhood playing. I was often a pet.. somthing. Pet human often. Kinky childhood me eh? Anyway back to this pretty drawing. I think this just just beautiful. I love the outfit, and want one. Its simple and yet defining. I like the gag, because really that is the only reason I define this as a pony picture. Well that and the arm banded together. I think what draws me to this is the clear lose of humanity in it with out losing the humanness. Plus the art is clean and poportianally not out of control. Over all yummy.

Valentine cuteness.

Now I try not to fall into the girl thing about valentines day. But I wont lie I love being spoiled. It makes me purr inside to be spoiled to know someone cares about me like that. Its often the little things that make me so very happy. This year I was spoiled by several thing. The Salesman got me a book. It was a very sweet thoughtful gift. He knows I read a lot and its a BDSM book called Mercy. Its looks like a love/smut story. I purred with the thoughtfulness of it. Then a couple days later Metronerd got me a rose and a snuggie! I actually love my snugglie. Its purple and has peace signs on it. Adorable right! He said he was getting his mom a rose too and got me one as well. This was super sweet especially since we are doing the JUST friends game.

I like being spoiled.

Sir snippett.

Do you ever notice its the little things your remember? The things that make a future masturbation session memory are small. Not the over reaching what was done or when or how. But the little things that just sort of shot though you with the hotness of it.

I was thinking about this one time when I played with Sir. He had a wonderful habit of spanking me with his belt. He also had a very particular way of wanting me to lay ass in the air, hands spread out just so. Sometimes he liked me to reach back and spread myself open for him. Mostly I think for watching me do it. For me submitting to it. And strangely I liked the ritual of it. I needed him to talk me. I always need that with Ds. LOTS of talking. But this once he has me lay on the floor waiting for him. Unable to see what he was doing I knew he was getting undressed and even in that I grew wet. Then he wrapped his belt around my neck, using that to pull me up. I remember gasping and whimpering all at once. Unsure what the proper response was, unsure of my own thoughts on it. My mind warring with the safety of the act and the hotness of it. He used that to pull me what must of only been 3 feet at most of my hands and knees. At the edge of the bed I moved to sit up thinking that was what he wanted. It was not. He spanked me hard and pushed me back down. Even now I feel my pussy react to the thought of that.

I have used that moment many times hand on my clit, eyes closed. I hope I never forget those little things.

How is that I have just recently found Go Ask Alice?

So I spent like 3 hours today reading Go ask Alice responses. Between that and Scarlett teen it riles in me a want to help people. To educate the populace. Especially teens and college kids. Also I want to like hand out condoms everywhere I go.

In college I was able to do this. My junior year I went to the health center and asked for some condoms for my dorm. They gave me a bag of like 100 condoms. For free! Sometimes when I am buying condoms now I think about going back and seeing if I can get another.

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/Cat7.html

http://www.scarleteen.com/

A scene I want to play.

Found an old email from my dear old Dom.

Speaking of being good, I want to tell you that this morning on the train ride in to work, I was daydreaming about licking your pussy. In my mind, you were standing with your back against the cold wall of my bedroom, your arms lifted over your head, wrists bound and attached to some sort of strong hook in the wall up there. You were able to stand on tiptoe, but otherwise you were pretty helpless when I groped, stroked, licked, and bit your tender body from head to toe, before settling there between your legs. It would be so fun to tease you with my tongue and fingers that way, knowing that in your position you couldn't really bear down with any pressure. The intensity would be utterly under my control, as my tongue slurped and slid and snaked, as my fingers prodded and penetrated and twisted. In my imagination, you were sometimes lifting your legs up off the ground to try and give me deeper access, and I responded by driving a pair of fingers into that now-dripping cunt, curling them toward your gspot, and grinding the flat of my tongue hard against your clit. I'd love to slip another finger into your tight ass too, and growl into you, vibrating my tongue over that needy pulsating clit until you cum, panting and moaning.

I have not always liked the idea of having someone go down on me. I was worried about how I may taste. Despite that I have tasted myself many times. I was really worried for a long time about how I looked. I don't have that porn star looking vulva. I have longer inner labia. Which I love now but really was worried for a long time. But its little things like this email and the wonderful men I have had sex with that make me feel so pretty down there.

Words

Bitch

Whore

Cunt

Slut

Why do I both get angry and turned on by this words at different times.

What does that say about me?

I both know as a feminist and Sex positive girl that these words can be good and bad.

In my head I know its OK to get off on being someone "Dirty little whore" a "naughty slut."

Yet I know it hurts to be called a slut in a non sexy way. It hurts a lot.

Am I taking back the words? Remaking them mine? Reclaiming them for my identity.

Or am I just playing into society ques at what a woman is, the Madonna/whore complex. That I can be one or the other. That for the sex I crave, I need to be the whore.

Why do when I am just am coming down from a great orgasm feel the need to THINK about these questions instead of just feel.