Post of kink 3

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

        I think this is a deeply personal question. Delves into the idea of self. It's a bit loaded. I think I may have always been kinky but I am not sure if that is my self shaping my past memory. Or if my early life shaped my ideas on sex. 

        I think part of what shaped this idea was what I read. I thoroughly believe that nerd/geeks are attracted to different lifestyles and sexual set ups because of books and comics. They opened my eyes to all the different ways a relationships can be formed, and though I stills saw them as fantasy a little bit of hope was born. 

        I used to play pretend with things that border on the kink. Being a pet was something I constantly played with in my head. It was almost always forced too. Trapped or experimented on. I liked to tie people up or be tied up. But I think those games are rather normal really. What child never tied up their sibling? Then as I began to masturbate my fantasies were never boy and girl sneak off and make out adorably. They were darker. Fucking roughly over a car in an alley. Face fucking till he cums and I swallow. Tied up and fucked by cold machines. Unfeeling and using me. That last one was a favorite. It has oh so many variants. I am pretty sure for years that these were not the normal sexual masturbation fantasies. I new at a certain point that they were not Crazy with a capital C.

.But I also knew I was not on the same level as my friends. I did not think about sex the same. I felt different. And that kept me a virgin for a long time. I was an excellent cock blocker to myself. I would think about it too much and then leave/run away. 
        
      Is was not until I was out of school that I started to let myself think I could actually have those things I always wanted. That I was adult enough, brave enough and smart enough to do it right. I listened to Dan Savage and he told me about fetlife. Thank you Dan Savage from there I took the baby steps to where I am now.